Stromberg Family ♥

This is my step brother with his wife and baby Bristol. I love them so much.

-Enjoy.

Today it hurts

It hurts today...
I dunno what it is.
but it does.
Things happen.
Feelings happen.
..... and it's okay.
because I am awake.
alive and blessed.
but...
Where's Noah?
And New York can
come any time now...

Don't allow your heart

To accept a prison

'Cos you took my heart

And you gave it vision

'Cos every feeling that you've lost

Is waking up inside you

And every dream you've cast away

Is coming back to find you

When you find your love

Don't let it go to sleep

When you find your love

Let it go, let it go deep

'Cos when you've found your love

Then you've found your belief

'Cos when you've found your love

Hey babe you've found, you've found me

Start of something new

Being a new year many start out with new resolutions. I started one, more so I'm continuingone I promised myself a little over a month ago, to be spontaneous. This year I want to start doing things randomly, things that aren't planned. I feel those are always the best moments. You can't plan something great because what if something goes wrong? You'll be disappointed. If something is unplanned how can you be disappointed, you never had that goal or objective. I like planning certain things in my life and I feel like those certain things are necessary but I also know the feeling of pure spontaneity. For instance today I was thinking, what if I extended my New York trip? Sure! why not? I like random moments in life because it makes it interesting. You have no idea what's coming. Usually I'm terrified of the unknown and in someways I still am; however, I'm learning to embrace it. I'm learning to live in the moment and no be afraid. What's the point of constantly being concerened about things you cannot change or things you cannot predict? There isn't one. It's as simple as that. Live now. There is so much to be offered to you. Another resolution I've decided to forego is to love more. I'm a really loving passionate person in general but I get to afraid of letting it be known. It's been something I've been working on for sometime now and I think I'm finally starting to get it. I have a big heart and I'm letting it be free. I also want to go with the flow. Often times I am so uptight I don't enjoy certain things. I let things get to me way too much, not this year. I'm going to grow with the flow. Lastly, to not complain about school so much. This might be a bit of a challenge because it's what I'm best at. I'm just going to get this out in the clear right now, THIS SEMESTER IS GOING TO BLOW. Not realizing that I had signed up for a hybrid class (a full semesters work due in 7 weeks - double time! yikes.) and the simple fact that all of my classes are math isn't going to help. It's okay though, right? no more complaning! and Maybe, just perhaps I'll eat a little better and work a little harder, too. Who knows. ;)

On a completely different note... I know I've said this a million times but, I literally do not know what I would do without music. I literally get lost in it. It speaks volumes to me. How can one such thing bring so much light and hope in my life? I do not know. But sometimes I hear songs and I just bawl. Not because I'm sad but because it's so enticing. It's like when I read certain typography's - they speak to me. They fill my heart with something that wasn't there before. They're beautiful. They give me something to hold on to, just as music does. It's a escape. This song is an escape. It's deep. It's beauty. It's love.

Don't allow your heart

To accept a prison

'Cos you took my heart

And you gave it vision

'Cos every feeling that you've lost

Is waking up inside you

And every dream you've cast away

Is coming back to find you

When you find your love

Don't let it go to sleep

When you find your love

Let it go, let it go deep

'Cos when you've found your love

Then you've found your belief

'Cos when you've found your love

Hey babe you've found, you've found me





Create

January 1, 2012..... TWENTY TWELVE! I never truly believed in the phrase "time flies" when I was younger. You have no obligation to anything and your time is free but once you step into the face of reality it literally is gone in a flash. I honestly cannot believe it is a dawn of a new year (as most of you feel the same) but I have more faith than ever that this year is going to be filled with wonderful surprises. I know there are always going to be those hard moments throughout the year but I am living for the moments that will bring me pure joy. I am so excited to leave the past year in the dark and move on toward greater things. However, it's always hard to just kick it all to the curb and start fresh because those moments that you endured throughout your life (the past year) has molded you into who you are right at this very moment. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for the things that have gone on, even though most of them have been fairly brutal - it's apart of me.

Thinking about the new year and it just being another day somehow creates so much more meaning to me. Technically I could have started that new goal yesterday, a week ago, or even 60 days ago... but I wasn't ready. It's all in time. Each person is different and if the 'new year, January 1' helps you to get you where you need to be then go with it. I am. I'm creating so much more life this year.

2011 has brought many trials not only for my life but several amazing people that I know, at one point in time they never thought they would get through it... but here they are, standing stronger than ever today. I am so glad that those people are apart of my life and all of the great things they offer. I wish everyone nothing but the best year... because the best has yet to come!

(thanks, Ashley.)



for yesterday

I think we all have this image in our minds of how life is suppose to be... when really there is no perfect way to life. It's completely bitter sweet. I am entirely grateful for the bitter but somehow I just want it to always be sweet, wouldn't that be nice? Things definitely have a funny way of working out. Just when you think you're starting to get back on your own two feet and move one step closer to the real you... the unexpected happens. You start to feel stronger and wiser and then you break. You break down and you then feel like you just took ten steps back. It's hard when you read words because it's just that... they're only words. You want to believe anything that is said to you, take it, lock it up... and keep it forever, but that isn't how it works. Words require action in order to have meaning. My life right now is probably the most complicated that it has ever been for several reasons. I know that I am teetering back and forth trying to decide what is best for me, and sometimes I feel like I honestly don't know. One day you want this, the next you want that... but you don't always get what you want and that's hard to swallow. What I truly want is for everyone to be happy... even if they've done you wrong or they don't necessarily deserve it. Everyone deserves some sort of happiness in their lives. I wish I could make things better for everyone but I know I can't, it's completely unrealistic... but that's my wish. I wish happy ending for all.

"So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I am still trying to figure out how that can be." - The Perks of Being a Wallflower



phases

I'm in this new phase of my life where I have to, oh.... start all over? Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic - but that's what I seems like (me starting all over). I'm not very good at putting myself out there... in all aspects. It's definitely something I have been working on but it isn't easy, then again nothing's easy. At least things that are worth it aren't technically easy. I think I finally decided on a major in Business Finance (after 4 years of college YIKES!), I'm not thrilled but it's better that I make a decision even if it's the wrong one. This next semester is entirely math based - this girl is not excited about it... AT ALL. But I think I'll have room to breathe and actually focus on school because of the position I'm in. It will be refreshing to really focus and put myself where I need to be.

Also being in something for 2 years of my life was a complete comfort a nice comfort... now I don't have that and I have to step outside of the box again and do this thing that people call... dating? Boy do I suck at it. I most definitely don't have that natural flare of being a good date...It's a little bit embarrassing, then again I just can't care. And for once... I honestly don't care. I find it rather hysterical when men say that women are confusing when in fact it's the other way around. This is partly why I don't put emotion into anything and at this point in my life I don't feel that the emotion is necessary.

I have to constantly remind myself everyday throughout the day that it's all in time. Although, time is such a tricky thing. I find myself complaining daily about how fast time is going, but then I still feel pain in other parts where the time isn't healing it fast enough. Total catch 22.

And i fall on my knees
Tell me how's the way to be
Tell me how's the way to go
Tell me all that i should know

Well this tired mind
Just wants to be lead home

Anyway... on a lighter note.... I officially booked my ticket to The BIG CITY! NEW YORK CITY! I am so excited. I've been wanting to go there for sometime now.. and today my boss told me about a deal Southwest was having for ONE day... talk about total spontaneity! I love doing things like this though, I have no obligation to anything besides school and it's always nice to take a little breather from it. Madison and I have decided to continue to do things like this, ever since we went to California is made us realize how little our time is. We most certainly need to make the most of it and with that we are. I am one excited girl, then again when am I not when I get to go on a vacation? One hand in the air for the big city... let's hear it for New York!

7 weeks

It's been a bit since I've really said anything on here, which is probably good - means I'm busy... and busy is the best thing for me right now. I'm busy as I type this blog, technically I should be studying, but honestly I need a break. I head out to California in the next 4 days and I can't wait. I'm literally itching to get out of here. I have the overwhelming feeling of studying for finals (and passing), getting my essays done, editing pictures, packing, registering for next semester (should have done that long ago), Christmas shopping.... you get my drift. It's easy simple things that just add up to too much. I know my vacation isn't going to be long by any means, but I need it... I  need it bad. I need a little bit of a distraction in my life, I think way too much. I think about my future mostly - brings out the worrier in me, especially lately. You know that feeling, when for so long you had this idea or image in your head of how things were going to pan out? and...... they don't? Things change. Usually I am a frantic mess when things just don't work out how I planned, but this time... it's a little different. I'm not sure why but I feel different. I still feel the unease of being lost/lonely and trying to figure things out on my own but deep down, deep in my heart it whispers, 'you're going to be just fine.' and I believe it. By no means did I expect to be where I am now in my life, but I'm embracing it to the fullest. This last year has shaped me in more ways than I honestly ever could have imagined. I've learned so much about myself, others, and life in general. I'm in that stage of my life where I'm finally coming into my own skin - not being afraid. I'm learning about what I really want and who I really want. It's terrifying but so exciting at the same time.

It's been 7 weeks.... many of you may not even know what I'm referring to, and that's okay, because I know. 7 weeks.... 7 weeks of trying to be okay with where I'm at, I'm getting there. I'm becoming okay.

I don't know what it is about this song, but it makes me cry every time. It's beautiful.

what i'd give for that first night

when you were mine

tried with all that i have to keep you alive

i wasn't taught this way with a thousand things to say

i was born with a broken heart