i know latley i have been talking a lot about being more positive, change, being happy... blah blah blah. we'll here i am once more - to complain. today was one of those days where you just want to cry. i am so overwhelmed with school i honestly can't even take it. i have so many papers due... i counted the amount of pages all together i have to write by april 12th.... ready?......... 39. that's right folks... you heard me, 39 pages. with not one but TWO presentations. f-me, right? talk about overload. today i honestly considered changing my major. sociology doesn't seem that hard... but it's probably thee hardest thing i could have picked for myself. it is so philosophical, i have zero idea what is being said or what i have to get out of the conversation. the hardest part for me is that i work my buns off to get my work done - which by the way i do, but i don't get the grade i was hoping for nor do i have a social life. and by the end of the week i want to do nothing but sit there because i am so exhausted between working days, school some mornings and every night, and then homework when i get home. poor ron, he always wants to do fun things and i'm such a bum that i just wanna sleep or watch tv. i. am. lame. and.......... that is only if i don't have a shiz load of homework. i should be doing my homework right now as we speak but i am so sick and tired of it. i'm just burned out. i want to do something that inspires me... that makes me excited about what i am learning or doing. thus far school has done zero of that for me. i wish i could just be a self employeed interior designer or go to culinary school and cook. i mean i guess i still could... but the last three years would be a total waste. what's a girl to do.........
i'm done venting.
here is a song that always helps me feel fine. :)
hope you like it.
you're welcome.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
vaca
so i haven't done my challenge for a few days so i thought i should probably post one.
day tres.
top vacation spots.
one.
new zeeeealand.
two.
capetown, south africa.
three.
barcelona, spain.
four.
florance, italy.
five.
indonesia.
now keep in mind... none of these are in rank because i would happily take any of these vacations in a heart beat.... oh a girl can dream. :)
day tres.
top vacation spots.
one.
new zeeeealand.
two.
capetown, south africa.
three.
barcelona, spain.
four.
florance, italy.
five.
indonesia.
now keep in mind... none of these are in rank because i would happily take any of these vacations in a heart beat.... oh a girl can dream. :)
blessed
it's amazing how blessed i am. i have a home. food to eat. clothes to wear. a job to go to. school. supportive family. lovely friends. i am blessed. i've been trying to take the time and sway myself away from the materialistic things that consume my life, i'm going to be completely honest... it's a battle. but it's just that - they're things. things that have no affect on me. things that will do me no justice in the long run. it's amazing how much people get caught up in "things." i want to share a story of something i witnessed today - it's not that i haven't witnessed what i'm about to say before... it's just that it truly hit me because i'm wanting to make myself a better person. here goes.... as i was driving in layton earlier today i was driving up to a stop sign where i saw a young man struggling in a wheelchair. this young man struggled to get from one side of the side walk to the other because his whole body was completely mangled. mangled in the sense that his legs would literally go benethe the wheels of the wheelchair and he could not control where he was going. as i got closer to the stop sign i could see in his eyes a sense of panic because he was afraid i was going to hit him. this panic that shot right through my heart. i wanted to park my car and help the young man across the street so i didn't have to see him stuggle. i wanted to help him in any way i could - i just didn't know how. their were cars behind me and i did not want to get in their way but i could not just leave him there without doing SOMETHING. as i drew close and made a complete stop at the stop sign i noticed the man had a sign in his lap - unable to read it, i thought it had said "help." a million things went through my head like... how does this poor man cook, get dressed, or any of the natural instincts a healthy human being has... my heart broke. i immediatley dug through my purse to find him some money parked my car, jumped out and gave it to him. whether money was going to help him or not i had to do something. that was as much as i could do. he looked at me with love in his eyes. he addressed me a "thank you," in a bruised way. you could tell he had much more wrong with him than just his legs. it was his mind - the way he spoke his words, his body... the way his hands and arms moved as well as his legs and feet. bless his heart. driving away from the situation i started to really think about how blessed i am. blessed with the little things. not money, not a nice car, not any of the materialistic things - but blessed with a healthy mind, blessed with working legs, blessed with the sense of hearing clearly. i am so blessed. i know we all have our struggles but remember... it could always be worse.
Friday, March 25, 2011
today i realized...
today i realized something...
it's okay to be happy. it's okay to be excited. it's okay to be silly. it's okay to laugh at stupid things. it's okay. the last while i've been struggling with how i feel - not that i'm not a happy person or anything but that i need to lighten up. life it too short to be anything but happy. i need to not take everything so serious. it is important to have somewhat of a balance... but i don't. i need to start focusing on the things that make me happy and who makes me happy rather than complain about how tired or stressed i am. i need to step out of my comfort zone and be someone great. i need to be more positive and optimistic about my own happiness and self, not just others. i am probably thee most positive person towards other people but i am my own worst critic - but who isn't? who cares if i fail a test? i'm better at other things. who cares if i don't do something up to their standards? they may be up to someone elses. WHO CARES. i need to be more confident in myself and find who i truly am and do the things that make me truly happy. i am so ready to just break out and stop worry about the risk of everything... just be a free spirit. i have so many important people in my life and i don't express to them enough of how much i love them and how much they mean to me. people, myself included need to let go of the past and look forward to the future and what is right in front of them because one day... it could be gone. i want to bathe in my own blissfulness and love every second of it. for instance.. when i hear a song my mind, body, and soul become so involved and i feel so passionate about what i'm listening to... i want to feel that way about every aspect of my life. i want to be excited about seeing someone who makes me happier than they know or about going on an exciting trip. isn't it so sad that i don't even know how to express my excitement? or even laugh? i laugh but not nearly as much as a human being should. LET IT GO SAM. those people who put you down and prevent you from being happy are toxic - forget all of those people and love life. wake up every morning and say today is going to be a good day... and believe it! believing is the best thing you can do. i want to believe in myself - believe that i can be happy, believe that i can do anything my heart desires. believe it from the bottom of my gut. that i can be anything, do anything, want anything, deserve anything. i deserve to be nothing but blissfully happy.
it's okay to be happy. it's okay to be excited. it's okay to be silly. it's okay to laugh at stupid things. it's okay. the last while i've been struggling with how i feel - not that i'm not a happy person or anything but that i need to lighten up. life it too short to be anything but happy. i need to not take everything so serious. it is important to have somewhat of a balance... but i don't. i need to start focusing on the things that make me happy and who makes me happy rather than complain about how tired or stressed i am. i need to step out of my comfort zone and be someone great. i need to be more positive and optimistic about my own happiness and self, not just others. i am probably thee most positive person towards other people but i am my own worst critic - but who isn't? who cares if i fail a test? i'm better at other things. who cares if i don't do something up to their standards? they may be up to someone elses. WHO CARES. i need to be more confident in myself and find who i truly am and do the things that make me truly happy. i am so ready to just break out and stop worry about the risk of everything... just be a free spirit. i have so many important people in my life and i don't express to them enough of how much i love them and how much they mean to me. people, myself included need to let go of the past and look forward to the future and what is right in front of them because one day... it could be gone. i want to bathe in my own blissfulness and love every second of it. for instance.. when i hear a song my mind, body, and soul become so involved and i feel so passionate about what i'm listening to... i want to feel that way about every aspect of my life. i want to be excited about seeing someone who makes me happier than they know or about going on an exciting trip. isn't it so sad that i don't even know how to express my excitement? or even laugh? i laugh but not nearly as much as a human being should. LET IT GO SAM. those people who put you down and prevent you from being happy are toxic - forget all of those people and love life. wake up every morning and say today is going to be a good day... and believe it! believing is the best thing you can do. i want to believe in myself - believe that i can be happy, believe that i can do anything my heart desires. believe it from the bottom of my gut. that i can be anything, do anything, want anything, deserve anything. i deserve to be nothing but blissfully happy.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Glow
today i was seriously in thee best mood. although it wasn't very warm, it was a gorgeous day. i love days like today, i just stop worry about all that has to be done - reassure myself that i WILL get it done so why worry? i need to always have this attitude because i feel so much better. it's amazing. three and a half weeks left of school... but who's counting, right? :)
perfect song for the day.
perfect song for the day.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
bliss
i just need to vent for about ten minutes and take my mind away from my 6 essays that need to be done, ASAP. i honestly cannot even tell you how sick and tired i am of school. i have some much anxiety towards it - and the end of the semester cannot come soon enough. i just have to tell myself.... only 4 more weeks and i'm free - it doesn't seem to help, though. this semester overall has completely kicked my trash. i have never had any classes like this and stupid me decided to go from the easiest classes for my major to the hardest 4000 level classes... really, sam, really? i just want to be graduated with a degree and contiune on with my life. i am honestly so tired of being stressed the freak out and wondering if i'm going to pass my classes - one in particular... research methods. it is the death of me class! when the heck am i ever going to use research in my degree? probably never unless i become a research scientist and that clearly isn't going to be happening.
anywho... it's times like these that i need to read or do something inspiring. a few days ago i came upon something called "50 life secrets and tips" and it truly inspired me. i am going to share a couple of the tips that really hit me... some that most of us should do.
-constantly try to reduce your attachment to possessions.
those who are heavy set with material desires will have a lot of trouble when their things are taken away from them or lost. possessions do end up owning you, not the other way around. become a person of minimal needs and you will be much more content.
-live in THIS moment.
even 10 minutes ago is the past. if you live purely in this moment you will always be happy because there is nothing wrong in this split-second.
-figure out what you goals and dreams are.
so many people wander aimlessly through life simply go for whatever small thing they want moment by moment. instead, decide what your perfect life consists of and begin to put the steps in motion to reach that place. the most satisfying thing in the world is overcoming a challenge and reaching a goal. we are the happiest when wer are growing and working towards something better.
-travel.
observing a different culture will expand your mind while making you further appreciate the life you already live. the world is your jungle, so go explore! who knows, maybe you'll find a place you love so much that you decide to move. imagine the positive repercussions a new environment could have on your life.
-develop a charismatic personality.
you know, the kind of personality that is surrounded by people constantly and is the life of the party. start visualizing yourself as THAT person. it is important that you believe in yourself and that you already are charismatic even if you fail.
-develop and endless curiosity about this world.
become and explorer and view the world as your jungle. stop to observe all of the little things as completely unique events. try new things. get out of your comfort zone and try to experience as many different environments and sensations as possible. this world has so much to offer, so why not take advantage of it?
-love is all there is.
if you truly want to be a master of life, let love be in your every action. love your friends, family and enemies alike. if you accomplish this, you will be seen as a leader among everyone that allows hate, envy, disgust and all other negative emotions into their lives. think gandhi, love is so rare in this world when compared to the massive presence of hate that by exuding love, you will immediately see yourself and the people around you change. love. love. love.
anywho... it's times like these that i need to read or do something inspiring. a few days ago i came upon something called "50 life secrets and tips" and it truly inspired me. i am going to share a couple of the tips that really hit me... some that most of us should do.
-constantly try to reduce your attachment to possessions.
those who are heavy set with material desires will have a lot of trouble when their things are taken away from them or lost. possessions do end up owning you, not the other way around. become a person of minimal needs and you will be much more content.
-live in THIS moment.
even 10 minutes ago is the past. if you live purely in this moment you will always be happy because there is nothing wrong in this split-second.
-figure out what you goals and dreams are.
so many people wander aimlessly through life simply go for whatever small thing they want moment by moment. instead, decide what your perfect life consists of and begin to put the steps in motion to reach that place. the most satisfying thing in the world is overcoming a challenge and reaching a goal. we are the happiest when wer are growing and working towards something better.
-travel.
observing a different culture will expand your mind while making you further appreciate the life you already live. the world is your jungle, so go explore! who knows, maybe you'll find a place you love so much that you decide to move. imagine the positive repercussions a new environment could have on your life.
-develop a charismatic personality.
you know, the kind of personality that is surrounded by people constantly and is the life of the party. start visualizing yourself as THAT person. it is important that you believe in yourself and that you already are charismatic even if you fail.
-develop and endless curiosity about this world.
become and explorer and view the world as your jungle. stop to observe all of the little things as completely unique events. try new things. get out of your comfort zone and try to experience as many different environments and sensations as possible. this world has so much to offer, so why not take advantage of it?
-love is all there is.
if you truly want to be a master of life, let love be in your every action. love your friends, family and enemies alike. if you accomplish this, you will be seen as a leader among everyone that allows hate, envy, disgust and all other negative emotions into their lives. think gandhi, love is so rare in this world when compared to the massive presence of hate that by exuding love, you will immediately see yourself and the people around you change. love. love. love.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
songs
fav songs of thee moment:
okay. so i am a junkie of music. it's almost ridiculous. i'm also one of those who could repeat a song that i love over and over. i'm pretty much annoying. so some of these songs may not be all that new or anything but they are ones that will always be my fav in the moment, others are newer and you may think it's obnoxious of my music choice because everyone likes them. ohhhhhhhhhhhhh well. :) and they're played out. ha.
uno.
EVLOVE - BOSC
this song gets me everytime. this song is ron and i's... it seriously makes me so happy everytime i listen to it. i just get the chills. oh man... i just love that man so much. it's disgusting. :)
dos.
MARRY ME - TRAIN
just like everyone else and their freaking dog - i enjoy this song wayyyyyyyy too much. it gives me the butterflies... cheesey but whatev i love it.
tres.
PROMISES - BADLEY DRAWN BOY
ah. so real. this song is real life. it tells a story that you just can't help but to embrace it.
quatro.
HOLLYWOOD IS NOT AMERICA - FERRAS
old. but amazing.
cinco.
VELVET - THE BIG PINK
i love songs with personality. this band definitley has it's own. i love it. it is so different. ahhhh so good.
okay. so i am a junkie of music. it's almost ridiculous. i'm also one of those who could repeat a song that i love over and over. i'm pretty much annoying. so some of these songs may not be all that new or anything but they are ones that will always be my fav in the moment, others are newer and you may think it's obnoxious of my music choice because everyone likes them. ohhhhhhhhhhhhh well. :) and they're played out. ha.
uno.
EVLOVE - BOSC
this song gets me everytime. this song is ron and i's... it seriously makes me so happy everytime i listen to it. i just get the chills. oh man... i just love that man so much. it's disgusting. :)
dos.
MARRY ME - TRAIN
just like everyone else and their freaking dog - i enjoy this song wayyyyyyyy too much. it gives me the butterflies... cheesey but whatev i love it.
tres.
PROMISES - BADLEY DRAWN BOY
ah. so real. this song is real life. it tells a story that you just can't help but to embrace it.
quatro.
HOLLYWOOD IS NOT AMERICA - FERRAS
old. but amazing.
cinco.
VELVET - THE BIG PINK
i love songs with personality. this band definitley has it's own. i love it. it is so different. ahhhh so good.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
colors
i decided i would start a personal blog of my own - while deciding what i should first post i thought a challenge would be a good start.
challenge: favorites of the moment.
and a song. :)
day uno.
un.
BLACK.
deux.
WHITE/CREAM.
trois.
GOLD.
quatre.
RED.
cing.
BLUE.
okay. these may not be my all time favorite colors in general but my favorite to wear. i definitley need to spice up my wardwobe with color though, it is lacking in that department.
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