To an end...

I honestly cannot believe that this year is over. It's true what they say - the older you get the faster time flies. Sometimes I wish it would slow down. It's crazy how long some weeks feel and how so often we wish for time to speed up, when in reality it really goes so quickly. Looking back on this year I have so much to be grateful for! I remember how much I loathed 2011 and couldn't wait for a whole new year... I told myself that I wasn't going to hold back in 2012 - and that I didn't. I have been so blessed with so many amazing opportunities. I've got to see places I never thought I'd see and meet people I never thought I'd meet. I surprised myself a lot, actually. I learned so much. I learned that it's okay to let go. I also learned that it's okay to be alone. It's okay to open your heart even though it may hurt like hell. It's okay to say yes. It's okay to challenge yourself. It's okay to look back and remember why you aren't that person anymore. It's okay to let YOURSELF be happy. I hear so often that people rely too much on others for their happiness alone. People need contant reassurance and they can't do things on their own. They ALWAYS need someone there. But guess what? Sometimes someone isn't always going to be there. You need to learn to be sustainable on yourself. Of  course, it's always nice to have someone there, someone to rely on - but the truth is it needs to be you first. No one else. You are in charge of your life. And that right there is something I learned this year. With that being said - I can't even begin to explain how blessed I have been with the new faces that have come into my life. I have made such great new friends and have met someone who makes me happier than words! He lightens my entire day.  I wouldn't be able to say that without all I've learned this year prior to meeting those sweet faces. Once again, all I can say is how blessed I have been this year and how entirely grateful I am!

I Believe in the sun even,when it's not shining.

I believe in love even,when I'm alone.

I believe in God even,when he is silent.

Have a lovely new year!

XX

The Real.

Sometimes I have so much to say... I can't even say anything. My heart becomes so full of emotion that I end up losing it all and spill. I'm afraid of my own heart and what it's capable of. It's too big. Too full. But I'd rather have that and be an emotional mess (whether good or bad) than experience nothing at all. I love being sensitive, even though it may be too much... I sometimes forget how truly blessed I am and how much good I have in my life. I let silly things get in the way and become completely overwhelmed and blinded by the good that's right in front of me. The last few months I've been under a lot of stress and it's over things that I have complete control over. Things I can change. And also It's over things I have no control over. So, I'm stressing for no reason. I do nothing but rant, it seems. I'm usually an extremely positive person but somehow I don't feel like myself. I started a new job back in October and it's been nothing but a nightmare. I complain e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y. bless my boyfriends heart for putting up with me. He's been nothing but absolutley amazing! I couldn't ask for anyone better supporting me and cheering me on. My family and friends, too. All the people in my life, in fact, have been so wonderful. I wish I knew how to be stress free. It's funny because I KNOW that no matter what happens in my life things will work out. Period. A job is a job, I am blessed I even have one, and one that teaches me something new every single day. I can always find a new one, even though it may not be in the time I want. Also, school is school. It will always be there. I may not graduate in the time I anticipated but I will graduate. Things in your life change, and sometimes they don't go as planned. I need to always remember that. There is disappointment in life. I've learned several lessons in the past two months... one being that I will never again sacrifice something I am completely happy in for something more and be completely unhappy. It's been a real eye opener. I guess it's hard because this past year has been so good to me. I've done things I never thought I'd do, I've seen things I never thought I'd see. I've opened my heart wide. I've had really great opportunities placed right in front of me... Just because one simple thing doesn't go exactly how I want it - I can't just go forgetting all the good that is. It's the perfectionist in me. I want things to be perfect all the time. However, I've started to understand that I want things to be real, not perfect. Nothing's perfect. It's about finding the perfect in the imperfect. Finding what you love. And I love my imperfect life. Even if it isn't what I wanted. It's helping me understand more than I ever expected.
 

 

Untold Stories

It's been a long while... Once again. I try not to neglect my blog too much, however; it seems as if I'm doing that quite well. I wish I were one of those people who had a way with words. Ya know, someone who can speak well and write beautifully. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I write, but my words just jumble, I talk but my brain goes faster than my mouth allows and I just can't seem to spit out what I fully want to say. I guess that's why I blog. I say things that may not make sense to others, or may not have any meaning whatsoever to anyone... But that's okay - because my blog is for me. It reflects how I feel without having to give the whole story. speaking of stories, isn't it crazy how everyone has a story? yet no one fully knows it... Besides yourself? That's what makes us unique. We've all been somewhere. Our stories create us. They serve a great purpose in our lives. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for my story. It's a story that will be untold... But my 23 years of life has given me much. Even stories of people who share a special place in my heart... They affect me. They give me a whole new level of life. I respect people so much for their lives and what they offer. People are so beautiful in so many ways. Whether they be strong, smart, loving, shy, or hold integrity - everyone has something beautiful, some people just refuse to see it because they're so quick to judge. I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means because I'm guilty of this as much as the next person but I sure try and do the best I can. I know people judge me and whatnot and that may be partly why I've laid low on the blog. Not wanting people to know certain parts of my life because I know how they'll react or have something to say. But I just want you all to know one thing... I am immensely happy. My heart is so full that it terrifies me. I've never met anyone that puts a bigger smile on my face - and for no reason. I never knew the feeling that people would talk about... Until now. He makes me glow. He makes me giddy. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. He makes me, me. He is the feeling that is indescribable. I am so lucky that he's mine. And for the record, it does 'just happen.' :)

Try to catch my breath to see if I'm still breathing
Touch my heart to make sure it's beating
It's like I'm falling in love

I so love him. 

Your Own Company

Long time no write. Beware, this may be a long post. I have had the urge to write so much lately and just haven't seemed to have the time to do it. It's been over two months since I have said anything, and I feel like much has happend; however, I don't even know where to begin. It's not even so much of the things that have happend but the realizations I have incountered.

As I have said in previous posts my promise to myself this year was to not hold back from the things I wanted to do, and guess what? I haven't. New York, Phoenix, London, Paris, California, North Dakota (oh yeah!), and Vegas. I am hoping to possibly go somewhere else towards the end of the year to top it off. It has been such a great year. Every single day I look back on my life and see how much I have grown and changed.

One of the biggest things I have learned this year is to be able to enjoy my own company. Going to London and Paris alone was one of best experiences of my life. I wouldn't have changed it for the world! Some people still cannot believe I went alone, but it really opened my eyes. Arriving in London was daunting. Being alone was different. I didn't have anyone to talk to or really ask questions. I was in a completely different country - all by myself. I was a little nervous after finding my hotel, but I took a deep breath and headed out not knowing where I was nor where I was going. Long story short, I loved London! I appreciated the history and all that it has to offer. The people were amazing with such sweet spirits! I made some awesome friends. After London I headed over to Paris on a ferry. Once arriving in Paris... I fell in love... with the city. It was truly amazing! Thinking back on it now makes me miss it. I loved everything about the city. Once more the history was unreal. The food was crazy good and the people overall were fabulous. I honestly didn't believe I was there, everything was too perfect. Sitting at a cafe people watching in Paris with the best cappuccino in the world and a crepe..... does it get much better? The whole experience made me step outside of my box and make life long friends. I can't wait to do it again somewhere else!

Being able to enjoy my own company has truly been a blessing. I am content. I am honestly so happy. It almost brings a serene feeling into my life. I've also learned that sometimes you need to eliminate the negativity in your life. I am one pretty postive individual but often times I get drowned out with a negative atmosphere by others. I'm not a fan. Ever heard of the saying, "you are the company you keep." Well, you are. People view you as the people you are around. I do pretty good on keeping the negativity out but I could be better. It's something I am working on. However, I'm blessed with my attitude. I always try and seek out the best in people but I really look up to those who deal with much in their lives and not let it affect them internally - they usually seem the happiest. They typcially see the best in every situation and try to take it as a lesson learned, much like myself. Those type of people help me stay on track and remember that life isn't so bad. Don't play the victim. Everyone has some sort of struggle. Those who rise above and beyond are truly amazing in my eyes. I believe that everyone on this Earth carries a certain spirit. I feel that however a person thinks of himself in his head is how he carries himself in the world.

Put an ocean and a river
Between everybody else,
Between everything, yourself, and home

Lean unto

I always enjoy conference weekend because it gives us a simple reminder on how we ought to be and how we can get there. There are several things in our life that tends to get in the way and makes us forget the imprortance of things. As humans we tend to find the worst in situations - it's easier right? Sure. However, nothing easy is usually worth it. It's harder to stay on top and be positive but once you do... You see a change. You tend to look at things in a whole new light. I've been in both places, but I've never in my whole life have been as positive as I am now. When I'm having a hard time with things whether it be something big or small people often ask, how do you stay so positive? My honest answer, the church. Some people don't understand, but that's okay. Elder Russell M. Nelson spoke perfectly about how God never leaves us astray. With my testimony of the church, I know that no matter what happens the Lord has a plan and in the mist of things, it's okay. Having faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and in his plan, all of us can feel at peace in knowing we are never alone. Christ will never forsake us, even in our weakest moments... he will make us strong if we seek him and lean unto him.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

Continue to be the best that you can be and the Lord will guide you to the happiest of places.

Au Revoir!

So about two weeks ago I randomly decided to take a trip, and it ended up being Peru. I was super excited about it because it was one of the places on my bucket list I'd wanted to visit. I decided to take the trip as a solo but I'd be with a tour. Well to make a long story short people started to freak a little about me going alone with no one that I knew. The more I started to think about it the more I started to second guess my decision. People were worried about a young girl going to a third world country... Alone. Especially right now. So I started to look up different countries. There are several places in Europe that I want to visit but I have already been to Europe a few years ago and wanted to switch it up. However, I made the choice to now do a solo trip to Europe.

I am really excited to go alone, it's something I've always wanted to do and I'm finally doing it. I want to be like Liz off of Eat Pray Love, silly, I know. But that movie does wonders to me. It will be nice to have ME time and reflect over things I want. It took me about a week to decide on where I was going to visit and I decided on......

LONDON AND PARIS!!!

I am really excited about it and actually feel more comfortable going alone. I extended my days in Paris which will give me some extra time to do everything I want. I leave at the beginning of May, so it will be here in no time. My family is a little more thrilled about me going here rather than Peru by myself. By next year though, you better bet your sweet bottom that I will be on my way to South America!

importance

I haven't really been writing much on here - especially since I'm constantly thinking about something. Usually I end up shrugging it off, though. First and foremost my accounting class is offically over! Can I just say hallelujah? HALLELUJAH! It's been taking over my life, literally. I've forgotten about my other classes. I'm just finishing up some loose ends in the class with assignments and one more test tomorrow and hopefully a decent grade. To reward myself I am going to head down south to Phoenix on Friday morning and I'm pretty sure I am SO ready for the 80 degree weather. Get me outta here. Hopefully catch up on some sleep while I am down there, too. Lately, I don't know what it is.. but I am tired all the time. I guess the 3-4 hours of sleep I get a night just aren't cutting it. Then I come home and take the most random naps. Like my 3 hour nap I took Saturday. I DON'T TAKE NAPS. Anywho I've have the biggest travel bug lately, I'm constantly looking for different trips to take. I've been thinking about this summer and the time I have to take off of work. I really want to take a week or so out of my summer and do a humanitarian trip to a different country.

I've been putting a lot of time into thinking about how I can get involved in different things. Take the time off of myself and put it on someone else. Mostly just get my priorities straight. I'm really wanting to stay busy with certain things and not really have time to sit and focus on my phone or the internet. (which I'm starting to get better with my phone) I've thought time and time again to just deactivate my Facebook for awhile because I literally find myself 30 comments in on a conversation that I don't care about nor even know the person. It's kind of ridiculous. Or the 1283802 posts a day about everyone wanting a boyfriend or a girlfriend - kinda can't take it anymore. Yet I can't get myself to deactivate... ah. Technology. So I figure if I start putting some service and time in other things and perhaps go to school more often to study I might be more productive. We will see how it goes.

I just think it's really important to really find what is most important to you.  No matter what it is. I've noticed a big change in myself over the last few months and I'm starting to like who I am, however, as I said before I need to kind of get my priorities in line. Not that I don't do what's right and so forth but just put emphasis on the things that are the most important to me. I've really become such a stronger person and I am proud. I've held my ground and I've finally come to the point of understanding that my values are a huge part of who I am and I'm  not chaning them. Everyone around me that really knows who I am has also seen the same change. They're constantly reminding me about how strong I truly I am. Not that anyone has really ever doubted me, but you know people tend to put a certain perception about you because of how you were for so long. I've always been strong but not so good at standing my ground. I use to be so concerned about what people would  say to me or think but I honestly can say for the most part - I don't care anymore. Let people think what they want to think, as long as you know who you are and what you stand for... you're golden.

Ah this song... I know I love it just as much as the next person, but this song really hits home for me. Not because of the killer beat, but because of the realistic lyrics it plays in my life. It's amazing. Amazing.

perfect

I've been non stop busy. It's good and tiring. But I enjoy it. It keeps me occupied and let's me worry about necessary things rather than unnecessary things. Ever since I've been back from the big city I've been downing homework like it's nobody's business. My hybrid class is sure kicking my butt... I'm pretty sure accounting shouldn't be an accelerated class - but mine is. Missing that week kind of killed me, but.... IT WAS SO WORTH IT.

I honestly could not have asked for a better trip in NYC with my long time friend since birth, Madi. We just share so much in common and are such easy going people, it made it amazing. We can be completely 100% ourselves with each other - I love it. Granted our days were pretty much go, go, go because we didn't want to miss a thing. Let's just says we got a little delirious... Our sleeping was almost non existent and our feet thanked us when we got home but it was absolutley perfect. We did the basic tourist sites and strolled the streets, but my favorite was walking through Central Park with no place to be. It was amazing to be somewhere so busy yet almost feel as if you were in a completely different state. The people were fanstatic, everyone had warned me that the people were rude and stuck up - I was surely expecting that; however, not one person was rude. Everyone was so great. We met several people from there and all of the world which made our trip that much more fun. Just getting out and doing something completely out of both of our comfort zones made us realize how much we are missing. You can definitely say that neither of us wanted to come home, unfortunately we couldn't afford living there. Sad. I can't wait to see where our next choice of travel takes us. We're making this a habit... if you can't tell.

Being back home is nice though. Missing a few certain people and wanting to see a few certain people made coming home much easier. It's always a little exciting seeing people you want to see or miss. It honestly just makes me happy. I have such great people in my life, I couldn't ask for anything better. These last couple of months have been a real growing experience for me. I've been noticing little subtle changes about myself... I'm growing into someone I never thought I'd be, but I'm loving it. I'm being more open and honest to myself. I'm not holding back certain feelings and expressing my thoughts. If I like how I feel in the moment then why would I mess that up with over analyzation? I'm not anymore. I'm loving who I am and what I am capable of being. I'm not afraid. If I fail I fail. It's okay. If I succeed I succeed. That's okay too. I'll take what I can and roll with it.

As we know.. I always have to have a song with every blog post. This song has nothing to do with my post. But it's a repeat song for me (which means I'm obsessed with it). It's so incredibly beautiful.

I surrender who I’ve been for who you are,
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours,
Well, I would have known what I’ve been living for all along.
What I’ve been living for

Stromberg Family ♥

This is my step brother with his wife and baby Bristol. I love them so much.

-Enjoy.

Today it hurts

It hurts today...
I dunno what it is.
but it does.
Things happen.
Feelings happen.
..... and it's okay.
because I am awake.
alive and blessed.
but...
Where's Noah?
And New York can
come any time now...

Don't allow your heart

To accept a prison

'Cos you took my heart

And you gave it vision

'Cos every feeling that you've lost

Is waking up inside you

And every dream you've cast away

Is coming back to find you

When you find your love

Don't let it go to sleep

When you find your love

Let it go, let it go deep

'Cos when you've found your love

Then you've found your belief

'Cos when you've found your love

Hey babe you've found, you've found me

Start of something new

Being a new year many start out with new resolutions. I started one, more so I'm continuingone I promised myself a little over a month ago, to be spontaneous. This year I want to start doing things randomly, things that aren't planned. I feel those are always the best moments. You can't plan something great because what if something goes wrong? You'll be disappointed. If something is unplanned how can you be disappointed, you never had that goal or objective. I like planning certain things in my life and I feel like those certain things are necessary but I also know the feeling of pure spontaneity. For instance today I was thinking, what if I extended my New York trip? Sure! why not? I like random moments in life because it makes it interesting. You have no idea what's coming. Usually I'm terrified of the unknown and in someways I still am; however, I'm learning to embrace it. I'm learning to live in the moment and no be afraid. What's the point of constantly being concerened about things you cannot change or things you cannot predict? There isn't one. It's as simple as that. Live now. There is so much to be offered to you. Another resolution I've decided to forego is to love more. I'm a really loving passionate person in general but I get to afraid of letting it be known. It's been something I've been working on for sometime now and I think I'm finally starting to get it. I have a big heart and I'm letting it be free. I also want to go with the flow. Often times I am so uptight I don't enjoy certain things. I let things get to me way too much, not this year. I'm going to grow with the flow. Lastly, to not complain about school so much. This might be a bit of a challenge because it's what I'm best at. I'm just going to get this out in the clear right now, THIS SEMESTER IS GOING TO BLOW. Not realizing that I had signed up for a hybrid class (a full semesters work due in 7 weeks - double time! yikes.) and the simple fact that all of my classes are math isn't going to help. It's okay though, right? no more complaning! and Maybe, just perhaps I'll eat a little better and work a little harder, too. Who knows. ;)

On a completely different note... I know I've said this a million times but, I literally do not know what I would do without music. I literally get lost in it. It speaks volumes to me. How can one such thing bring so much light and hope in my life? I do not know. But sometimes I hear songs and I just bawl. Not because I'm sad but because it's so enticing. It's like when I read certain typography's - they speak to me. They fill my heart with something that wasn't there before. They're beautiful. They give me something to hold on to, just as music does. It's a escape. This song is an escape. It's deep. It's beauty. It's love.

Don't allow your heart

To accept a prison

'Cos you took my heart

And you gave it vision

'Cos every feeling that you've lost

Is waking up inside you

And every dream you've cast away

Is coming back to find you

When you find your love

Don't let it go to sleep

When you find your love

Let it go, let it go deep

'Cos when you've found your love

Then you've found your belief

'Cos when you've found your love

Hey babe you've found, you've found me





Create

January 1, 2012..... TWENTY TWELVE! I never truly believed in the phrase "time flies" when I was younger. You have no obligation to anything and your time is free but once you step into the face of reality it literally is gone in a flash. I honestly cannot believe it is a dawn of a new year (as most of you feel the same) but I have more faith than ever that this year is going to be filled with wonderful surprises. I know there are always going to be those hard moments throughout the year but I am living for the moments that will bring me pure joy. I am so excited to leave the past year in the dark and move on toward greater things. However, it's always hard to just kick it all to the curb and start fresh because those moments that you endured throughout your life (the past year) has molded you into who you are right at this very moment. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for the things that have gone on, even though most of them have been fairly brutal - it's apart of me.

Thinking about the new year and it just being another day somehow creates so much more meaning to me. Technically I could have started that new goal yesterday, a week ago, or even 60 days ago... but I wasn't ready. It's all in time. Each person is different and if the 'new year, January 1' helps you to get you where you need to be then go with it. I am. I'm creating so much more life this year.

2011 has brought many trials not only for my life but several amazing people that I know, at one point in time they never thought they would get through it... but here they are, standing stronger than ever today. I am so glad that those people are apart of my life and all of the great things they offer. I wish everyone nothing but the best year... because the best has yet to come!

(thanks, Ashley.)