The Real.

Sometimes I have so much to say... I can't even say anything. My heart becomes so full of emotion that I end up losing it all and spill. I'm afraid of my own heart and what it's capable of. It's too big. Too full. But I'd rather have that and be an emotional mess (whether good or bad) than experience nothing at all. I love being sensitive, even though it may be too much... I sometimes forget how truly blessed I am and how much good I have in my life. I let silly things get in the way and become completely overwhelmed and blinded by the good that's right in front of me. The last few months I've been under a lot of stress and it's over things that I have complete control over. Things I can change. And also It's over things I have no control over. So, I'm stressing for no reason. I do nothing but rant, it seems. I'm usually an extremely positive person but somehow I don't feel like myself. I started a new job back in October and it's been nothing but a nightmare. I complain e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y. bless my boyfriends heart for putting up with me. He's been nothing but absolutley amazing! I couldn't ask for anyone better supporting me and cheering me on. My family and friends, too. All the people in my life, in fact, have been so wonderful. I wish I knew how to be stress free. It's funny because I KNOW that no matter what happens in my life things will work out. Period. A job is a job, I am blessed I even have one, and one that teaches me something new every single day. I can always find a new one, even though it may not be in the time I want. Also, school is school. It will always be there. I may not graduate in the time I anticipated but I will graduate. Things in your life change, and sometimes they don't go as planned. I need to always remember that. There is disappointment in life. I've learned several lessons in the past two months... one being that I will never again sacrifice something I am completely happy in for something more and be completely unhappy. It's been a real eye opener. I guess it's hard because this past year has been so good to me. I've done things I never thought I'd do, I've seen things I never thought I'd see. I've opened my heart wide. I've had really great opportunities placed right in front of me... Just because one simple thing doesn't go exactly how I want it - I can't just go forgetting all the good that is. It's the perfectionist in me. I want things to be perfect all the time. However, I've started to understand that I want things to be real, not perfect. Nothing's perfect. It's about finding the perfect in the imperfect. Finding what you love. And I love my imperfect life. Even if it isn't what I wanted. It's helping me understand more than I ever expected.