integrity

what a beautiful day it is! isn't it? i've accepted the day and said to myself, "it's too beautiful out to not be happy, smile." so that's what i did. i smiled. i laughed. i'm appreciative. i've realized it's okay to experience different emotions while still trying to be happy. it's okay to be sad, but don't let it ruin a day such as today. life is too precious to let a day like today go to waste.

it's been a rough month for me or so it seems. i've been struggling a lot, many of you who read have probably noticed. but i try to stay positive, i try to stay the person that i am. and i'm telling any of you who read this. do things for YOU. do what makes YOU happy. be with who makes YOU happy. YOU are IMPORTANT too. and learn. learn from mistakes. learn to let go. learn to love yourself. learn to forgive. learn to be happy. because i've learned. i've learned a lot in my short 21 years of life. many have told me that... "i'm an old soul." i know too much about life for my age, i've experienced it. i've been through things, tough things -- that haven't only made me stronger but has made me to understand a whole lot more, about people, about life. looking at where i am today i honestly do feel old. old in the sense of i'm mature. the things i say, people are amazed at how i would understand such a thing or look at something the way that i do. i couldn't be more grateful, though. it has helped me through some of my toughest times. but sometimes i can't help but wonder, why me? why am i experiencing this? (again). haven't i already learned my lesson? hasn't this already made me strong? obviously not.

i feel that through my trials i do learn something though, even if it's something i've learned in the past.  i relearn about how important certain values are. one in particular that comes to mind and always has been so important to me, even at a young age is integrity. i learned about integrity in my achievment day activies. i remember having to do a night and the mom's had to pick a value that stood out to them in their child, my mom choose integrity for me. i've valued that more than anything in my life. but... what exactly is intergrity?

integrity refers to the quality of a person's character. such as the quality of being honest and having strong moral principals. it can even mean being reliable or trustworthy. who doesn't want to feel that way about themselves right? i surely want people to view me as a person with intergity. i guess it even helps me become a better person, because i would never want anyone to feel bad about themselves or witness pains that i have. i become reliable for that person's feelings and try and take their pain, or blame myself so they don't have to suffer. i truly believe that integrity is the best quality a person can have. it's what makes a person real. it's what makes a person worth trusting, or relying on.

i want anyone who reads this to really think about the person that they are, and to ask yourselves if you are a person with integrity.

and a little verse - charity suffereth long and is kind.

gah thank goodness for music, it's so therapeutic.

"Be still, my love open your heart and let the light shine in."

no need for a title

worst sleep of my life? perhaps. i hate the feeling of having a heavy burden sitting right on top of your chest. i feel as if i'm under 6 feet of water and can't breathe. not too sure how to even shake a feeling such as this one -- but i need to find a way, and QUICK.

"my hands they're strong... but my knees are far too weak."
awe i just love this song so much.
i know i've posted it before... but it's amazing. seriously.

chance

i had a very interesting day today. i've been reminded today about just how strong i truly am, and what a good heart i have. i am so grateful for the strength that i've been given - it's such a blessing in my life. you never know what challenges you are faced with in your life, but you have to take the good with the bad. life isn't perfect and it comes with unexpected surprises - whether they be suprises you like or don't. it's interesting how some things pan out, though.

God has a funny way of working his magic, but every experience you encounter makes you the person you are suppose to become. i just have to have faith in knowing that all is well and that i can overcome any obstacle, my heart just has to be in the right place. i need to keep an open mind and an open heart and remind myself on the daily of all the blessings that i endure. i need to be light hearted and push forward.

life has so much to offer a person, but you have to allow it to. you have to experience it in order to get to the place you're meant to be. and i believe that is my journey.

ease

today is one of those days where i am entirely thankful. not because it's sunday, and not because the world didn't end yesterday. but because i have so many good things in my life. sometimes i forget that, but i love when something reminds me. as i was sitting in church today i heard so many great stories. it made me think about my life and the way i present myself to others. i try to be a good example -- but sometimes its hard when i do it all on my own -- on my own as in any religious aspect, i'm alone. sure my family doesn't necessarily mind that i go to church and what not, but our values are entirely different, but that's okay. i try to be the best example i can be considering my background and what not -- and i know i can be better. be a better example to those around me. as of late i've felt a little saddend by my actions. i've been almost... what's the word? lost. i haven't been making the exact right choices that i should be, and i know it. i think at some point in everyones lives they try to find a way out from all the frustration, while trying to find themselves. in doing so we tend to make the wrong choices, but i think those choices we end up making have an significant effect on the person we are trying to become, or the person we know we are capable of being. i've learned that i don't need to do 'what everyone else' is doing. i need to stick to my guns and follow through with the ultimate desires of my heart.

so today i am thankful for --
the gospel
goodness of the heart
strength to better myself
my family support
the will to do things alone
strength to move on
& faith

this was a little quote i stumbled upon and felt the need to share as well...

If you want a thing bad enough to go out and fight for it, to work day and night for it, to give up your time, your peace, and your sleep for it... if all that you dream and scheme is about it, and life seems useless and worthless without it... if you gladly sweat for it and fret for it and plan for it and lose all your terror of the opposition for it... if you simply go after that thing you want with all of your capacity, strength and sagacity, faith, hope and confidence and stern pertinacity... if neither cold, poverty, famine, nor gout, sickness nor pain, of body and brain, can keep you away from the thing that you want... if dogged and grim you beseech and beset it, with the help of God, you'll get it!

xoxo

sweet tooth

most of you probably know that i enjoy cooking. i love finding new recipes to try out.. and the healthier they are the better! well i also like baking. i love baking cakes and cupcakes. one day i would love to bake those amazing cakes you see on t.v. they're legit.

anyway.
i made these delectable cupcakes. seriously they are bomb.

and not to mention they are super easy to make. i wish i made them more cute looking but i didn't.
oh well they still tasted fab.

pre heat oven 350 degrees
bake time : 17 mins


ingredients:
one box of angel food cake mix
2 cups pure pumpkin
8 oz cream cheese ( i used fat free, cause you can't tell the difference in these bad boys)

mix the box of angel food cake mix and the pumpkin together (do NOT add water)

pour just enough in the bottom of a cupcake tin to cover the bottom.
put a dollop of cream cheese on top of the one layer of batter.
then pour just enough batter on top of the cream cheese to cover.

makes 24 cupcakes.

frosting:
8 oz cream cheese
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
8 oz cool whip

mix all together until frosting like - refrigerate for about 15 minutes.
then take out and pour onto cupcakes. (make sure cupcakes are cooled)

they're superrrrrrrrrrr good.

faith

i feel like i am in this thing that people like to call a... rut. in every aspect of my life - i hate not knowing what is going to happen or what is going to be. being at this point in your life is one of thee most stressful things a person can go through. i'm almost 22 and have no idea where my life stands. it's very daunting not knowing how things are going to turn out. i sometimes feel that i am somewhat of a control freak, that i must know everything, when really i don't. it's life. everything doesn't come easy. it's how we learn and grow as a person. it's the way we become who we really were meant to be. it's learning about being YOURSELF. not someone who someone else wants you to be. i just don't want to be a failure. i want to make myself proud and for others to be proud of me for doing what i want. i don't ever want to give up on something when it gets hard, i want to be able to push through it and say i did it, because that is the most rewarding thing - not giving up.

i was told today that making a wrong decision is better than making no decision at all. that statement hit me like a ton of bricks. how true is that? because if i never make a decision i will be in the same place in the next ten years, yet if i do make one (even if it's the wrong one) i've learned from it and have moved on to something new and different. life is all about the experience. it's okay to fail because you can get right back up and start again. and in the grand scheme of things... no matter what happens, everything will be okay. it takes a great amount faith. faith in yourself and everything around you, and faith in the big guy up stairs.

i stumbled upon a statement from a man by the name of, randy gage. he talked about having faith in the good. he said, "The passions and conflicting thoughts of human nature in their ungoverned state can be overwhelming.   Your thoughts don’t organize and direct themselves.  You must choose to be a critical thinker and supervise the process.  When you do this, your thoughts become obedient servants, to lead you to the life you wish to live and allow you to tap into the natural order of the universe, which is inherently good.

When you stand face to face with truth, you will understand that every challenge is a stepping-stone to build the character that allows you to ultimately triumph.  This has been decreed by every sage, saint and savior the world has ever known.  It is the process when you graduate from student to master…

You are not meant to be the whipping boy and suffer interminably.  The sorrows of life can be great, but they can be fathomed out, conquered, and used for greater good.   When we accept these lessons for what they truly are, we graduate from pupil to scholar, and manifest the health, happiness and abundance we desire.

This is accomplished by faith.  Faith is the dawn before the new day.  Without faith there can be no attainment of strength, no permanent security."

i know we all feel this way at some point in our lives, and that i am not alone. but there are sometimes where one needs to vent. lay it all out there. and... that it is okay to feel vulnerable because if you don't, how do you live? how do you feel? how do you experience something entirely new?

the big two

i've been feeling four hundred thousand emotions latley, and i'm not so sure i like it. i've been trying very hard to hold it all in and not make it into anything... which is what i'm still doing and to be honest i think i'm doing pretty darn good at keeping it in. but i'll save those thoughts and feelings for the journal.

there isn't much meaning for a post such as this one... but to casually state how my day was. easy. easy is what it was. i worked only until about 1 p.m. to then find myself in the seat of a large movie theater watching bridesmaids. the best part was, i got paid for it. after my movie i took a little trip to the salon where my lovely friend put some color to my head. after that... ron came up and we headed to texas roadhouse for our TWO year anniversary dinner. two years ago that hot man took me to the roadhouse for our very first date where we talked for almost a good three hours. oh how time flies. it really is a crazy thought to think that you've known someone for so long... when there's people out there who haven't even known their OWN spouse's for that long.

anywho...
ron shared this great little youtube vid with me today... and to say the least, i teared up. it got me good. this is such a beautiful song in general and this guys voice - to die for. seriously, take a listen.

"I’ll follow you into the park, through the jungle, through the dark
Girl, I’ve never loved one like you"

"We laugh until we think we’ll die, barefoot on a summer night
Nothin’ new is sweeter than with you

And in the sticks we’re running free like it’s only you and me
Geez, you’re something to see."

"Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is whenever I’m with you
Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is when I’m alone with you"

melody

i don't know what i would do without music. it's so captivating, alluring. it makes me feel so many emotions at one time, even if it has nothing to pertain to my life at the moment. i love getting so emotionally involved with music, it takes me somewhere - some place that makes me feel something new. but even the music that the moment you listen to it, you know that it was meant for you... it was meant to be heard by you in that in particular moment. you connect. you get chills. you become apart of it. it helps for those days when you don't feel good enough, happy enough, strong enough, smart enough, worthy of being you.

these are a few songs that i have been indulging in lately...

watch the wind blow by

ron and i took a little 2 day vacation up to wyoming, and it was amazing. more like he is amazing. he honestly is the sweetest guy ever. not to brag or anything... but i am one lucky girl, that's for sure. we spent the time lounging aroud - that was the best part. we were suppose to go fourwheeling but there was still too much snow, it was okay though because we got to go snow shoeing instead... snow shoeing! it was a lot of fun, something neither one of us had done before. ron made us breakfast, lunch, and dinners - he made the most tasty food, too. anywho here are a few pictures of our trip. don't mind me -- i look ridiculous, i def had about 4 layers on. i couldn't move. :)

i had to put my timer on in order to take a picture. this is how it turned out. ha so embarrassing.

view from our cabin.

there was a moose in the middle of the road. weird for me. not for wyoming, though.



ron sang this as we were sitting next to the river. so cute. :) loooooove that man.

love skinny

i love this song in general, just as everyone else. but i especially love this version. it's absolutley amazing.

dream big

i sometimes feel it's a crime to be an individual in my family. i'm constantly trying to make sure i am doing the right thing or saying the right thing because i don't want to feel that i am disappointing someone in someway or that someone might think less of me. however, with that being said it's prevented me from doing so many things in my life that i want to do and can only dream of doing. it's hard sometimes always having to feel approved in some way or another... but there comes a point in your life where you have to do something for YOURSELF. let all the downfalls of others surpass and conquer what you know you are capable of. we all have differences in what we think is right and wrong, what's acceptable and what is not, but that's the glory of it all... we are all entitled to our own choices and opinions.


lately i've really been struggling with school and my career of choice -- and it's literally been killing me. i want to do something that i thrive from, not sit behind a desk looking at a computer screen all day long. sure, some may say well... dream big, but if that's what i have to do -- dream big, i'll sure as heck do it. i've been in college for a solid 3 years now, and i have yet to decide on a major, seems i'm going to 'just go' because it's the 'right thing to do,' which in some ways it is. it's not that i necessarily don't want to go to school, it's that i want to have a plan, know where i'm going and what i'm going to be doing rather than just waste my time... but today i thought different. i had seen a old friend aka my old chiropractor (haha) at church today and he asked what i was going to be doing with school and such, i told him the same thing i tell everyone, 'i don't know, i changed my major AGAIN.' he replies (as does everyone else) 'oh to what?' me--'once more, i don't know.' he looked at me and said.... 'you don't have to know.' he enlightend me that it's okay not to know, i'm young and i have plenty of time -- people who are in their careers still 'don't know' if that's what they really want to do. he told me to do something i love, reguardless what it is. i told him i wanted to cook. i love cooking. i love finding new recipes and making them. i find so much joy in it. i ultimately would love to open up my own chic restaurant and cook. when i told him that, not going to name names... but one of my family members said, ' ha you don't want to do that, don't do that, you won't make anything.'  ......that right there, is exactly why i don't do or say half the things i want to, because those are the responses i get. it makes me feel bad, gosh i'm so sensitive, but it really does. this is one of the reasons i love ron though, he is so supportive of me and encourages me to do something i love entirely. he doesn't care what i end up choosing as long as it makes me happy. he's my rock. everyone else thinks i should be an office person, like a counselor or something, which i'd be a great counselor but i don't want to do that. i don't think i could handle that.. just because i am great at talking to people, giving advice, and have people confide in me... it's too draining -- so stressful. plus, i've never been a money hungry person. i don't need to make a ridiculous amount of money (not that a counselor does), i have so many other things to live for. i want to actively be doing something. i find too many excuses though... such as well i don't know how to even go about achieving my dream, plus what about those 3 years of school... wasted? and so forth. once more, my chiropractor said... 'nothing is wasted, in one way or another you learn and grow.' so true.

it's time to grow.

"When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way"

ridic

so most people blog about more important things -- like family, friends, life in general... etc. i blog about shoes. here i am again. i cleaned my room today and put my shoes away... and i am almost disgusted with how many pair of SHOES i have.... 56 pairs of SHOES -- that's not including my boots of flip flops/sandals. total footwear i probably have a solid 75-80. ah i suck. and i just keep buying more. these are a few pictures to just show you how ridiculous i am. truly it's a disease. i swear.

i'm a huge joke. who the heck needs this many pairs of shoes? oh yeah... I do!

vent?

today was one of those days where EVERYTHING, and i mean EVERYTHING bugged me. who doesn't have days like that? i honestly couldn't read facebook because of what some people were saying. no offence to anyone, because i know i can be annoying, too, however, it wasn't even necessarily the people on MY friend list. you know how you can "like" a page? well i would read people's comments on pages like "the real man who killed osama" and honestly, it made me sick. people are so ignorant, it's ridiculous. some of the stuff people were saying... let it go. it's like they think someone is out to get them, or that some people couldn't have their own opinion on the issue. certain people would just bash others for no reason at all, calling them out. i can't stand that. also a completely different "like" page was "modest is hottest" this girl was saying it's immoral to be hot and blah blah blah... it just was like then what the freak was your point in "liking" this page if you don't like the page?! uhhhhhhhhh hello! and... UTAH DRIVERS! holy crap. they do not know how to drive. every person on the road today was driving like a complete idiot! i swear i almost got in an accident 5 times going to and coming home from work. people do not know how to drive in this state, reguardless of the weather. they all freaking suck.

okayyyyyyyy, i am done. :)
whew.
glad today is almost over.

on a lighter note. i miss ron so much. it's been an awfully long time since i've seen him. he's been super busy with moving and such. but i am so proud of all his hard work. :) next tuesday and wednesday we are going to go on a little vacation -- i don't know where nor do i really care, i just wanna get the freak out of this state for a few days with my favorite man! and i can't wait. :) he's such a sweetheart. always surprising me! he wanted to surprise me with a trip to san diego to see josh groban in august but he had to ask me some questions so he just had to end up telling me... so in august we are going to san diego to see josh groban at san diego state university with ron's friend and his wife then we are going to make it a double trip and head to disneyland! ah i am so excited.  he's the best, EVER! :)

and.... he's a complete babe. handsome. handsome!

p.s.

chhhhheck my photography page by clicking here. :) i posted a new post of some maternity pictures. so presh.

back

i need to really get back into the swing of things. this last week has almost been a downer -- from eating bad at easter, to the weather being no bueno, to the gym closing at 6. i'm excited to get back on the wagon for the remaining period. i made all my meals yesterday for the week -- i made meatloaf (yum!), and a bunch of chicken. with all of the chicken i made i'm planning on making some chicken wraps with some fabulous guac and tomatoes, and the basic chicken and rice, and i found a healthy chicken quesadilla recipe that i'm plannin on trying out. i never realized how much work it really is to eat proper, but i love cooking! it's so much fun. i also cut some fresh brocolli, cooked some asparagus, and baked my sweet potatoes.
i'm pretty sure that most of you should try the meatloaf i made... you wouldn't be mad if you did.

meatloaf

1 can tomato paste
1/2 cup water
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 dried oregano
16 oz. ground turkey
1 cup oatmeal
1/4 tsp salt
1 whole egg
1 egg white
1/2 cup shredded zucchini ( i used mushrooms)

preheat oven 350 degrees
combine tomato paste, water, garlic, oregano, and salt in sauce pan
bring to boil and reduce heat to low
simmer, uncovered, for 15 mins and set aside
combine turkey, oatmeal, egg, egg white, zucchini (mushrooms) and 1/2 cup tomato paste mixture and mix well
shape into loaf and place into ungreased pan
bake for 45 minutes
discard the drippings and pour remaining 1/2 cup tomato paste mixture over the top of the loaf and bake for additional 15 mins.

ta dah!

also for breakfast i get so bored with egg whites and oatmeal blah blah blah... so i've been making oatmeal pancakes... and i LOVE them so much. they're super easy to make it takes like a solid 7 mins to make.

1/2 cup old-fashioned oatmeal
1/4 cup low-fat cottage cheese (it's good i promise!)
4 egg whites
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg

process the oatmeal, cottage cheese, egg whites, vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg in the blender until smooth
spray a nonstick skillet with cooking spray
pour batter and cook over medium heat until both sides are lightly brown

top with any low-sugar/sugar free jams/syrup etc.
i just use frozen fruit

SO GOOD!

fwends

on a scale from 1-10... i love my friends, oh so much!  last night was jake's 21st birthday so i went to his partay and it was so good to see so many people i haven't in a very long time, even some of my closest friends. i've missed them wayyyyy too much, it's ridic.