bittersweet between my teeth

I need to start being okay, I swear. I am okay, just somedays I'm really not. It's "the bittersweet between my teeth... trying to find the in between." I couldn't find a better lyric to best discribe how I feel. Bittersweet. Sad yet trying to be happy. I at least try to get out and do things, but sometimes I don't want to. I want to sit with myself. Yeah, like that's good for me, right? Distractions is what I need, mostly.

Now, how I said we were going to Seattle, not so much. Plans have slightly changed, we are heading to Cali. California...... here we come! We're going to fly into LA and head to Disneyland for a little festive holiday. Tara is going to meet up with us, and I couldn't be more happy. This trip cannot come soon enough. Less than a month, I am on the count down. I need to get out of this place, even if it is just for a few days. Who knows, maybe I'll stay? ;) just kidding. I wish. Don't you want to do that sometimes? Just randomly pick up and start something new? I do but I don't. I love the people in my life way too much to just leave, yet I would love to be somewhere else in my life. Somewhere fresh.

filled and gone

so overwhelmed. I've got too much on my plate right now, technically I shouldn't even be writting this blog because I have so much to do - but I can't help it. I need to write. I'm frustrated and just sad really. Night's get to me, I dunno why. But they do. I've been working pretty much full time, going to school full time, and taking pictures/editing. I'm so behind on editing and I feel so bad because I don't get people their pictures within 2 weeks... but life gets hard sometimes that you just gotta focus on yourself. However, I keep focusing on the emptiness inside. Something that was once filled is completely gone. How can that be? Just gone? It doesn't seem like anythings really happened or is even real... yet I feel that hole that makes me want to be in tears. Maybe it's because of the holidays? I love the holidays. I'm one of those who starts listening to Christmas music the day after Halloween - I know... too much sometimes, but I don't even care. I love it. Today I listened to it all day and I just started thinking about family get togethers and people with their loves. I'm jealous. I want that back. I want a lot of things back.

I'm trying to be okay. I am okay.

Love and death are two uninvited guests. Nobody
knows when they come, but both do the same work.
One takes the heart, and the other takes its beat.

 "there's a season in your eyes... and a fever on your breath."

I'll be okay

There are somedays where I think I feel just fine and others where I wanna break. This weekend was a weekend that I thought I was going to break. I had bridals showers, wedding receptions - love all around. I thought it was going to kill me from the inside out, but it didn't. I held on strong. I was so delighted to see people at their finest. I loved seeing the love in people's faces and how excited they were about one another. It made me so happy for them and their new lives. I wish them the best, as well as myself.

I'm also excited about a little trip I am going to take with my love, Madison to Seattle in a month. It will be a nice little get away to somewhere I haven't really ever explored. I love the feeling of going somewhere new and experiencing something totally different. I've been really excited about it because it's something we are BOTH in dire need of. Especially as of late. She's been such an amazing person in my life (since birth), I literally don't know what I would do without her. She's been one I can always depend and count on in need of anything, and I only have a select few that I can do that with. It's funny when you are there for others far too much when they need you, but when the tables are turned those people are no where to be found. Yet they say they're there for you. I guess it really goes to show the importance of you in their life, right?

Count the Flaws



We lie beneath the stars at night

Our hands gripping each other tight

You keep my secrets hope to die

Promises, swear them to the sky

The bittersweet between my teeth

 Trying to find the in-between

Fall back in love eventually