determination?

it's def a friday night and i am home. i'm lame. but i have so much to do with school that i honestly have no choice. it's okay though. sometimes it's nice, anyway. :) write a paper, watch eat.pray.love. with my mom. i am content. but..... my mind is going four thousand miles an hour.

i have so much i want for myself, but it seems so far out of reach. i want to just FOCUS. i need to tell myself that no matter what i can achieve anything, all it takes is hard work and determination, right? anything we do that is worth it seems to take a lot of hard work - like getting a degree, you have to study your brains out or by wanting to buy something you really want, you have to work and save or achieving that fab bod you must watch what you eat and exercise. but in the end... it is worth it.

well these are my goals i am going to achieve in the next three months:

1. become fit.

               i'm going to play the blame game and blame it all on school for the reason as to why i don't go to the gym daily. for reals though, i never have time. now that school is on the verge of being over i have NO excuse as to why i can't go to the gym at least 4 times a week. i'm going to prove it to myself that i can do it and it will do it. i'm so done being a lazy bum. it's a joke. i know i'm going to hate it somedays but i have to reassure myself that it is all going to be worth it. i'm going to do my best from now until the end of school... but starting on APRIL 17.... dun dun dun i'm full fledged doing it.

2. be more fun.
             
              i'm so not fun anymore. haha that is really sad for someone to say about themselves. but it's true. it's time i start stepping out of my lame box and be happy! i need to start acting like a child and soak up the small things. i want to start doing things during the week and the weekends that are fun and unique, even if it is a little cheesy and lame. i'm going to start doing it anyway. i want to enjoy the little things in life and make the best of it.

3. laugh more.

            i so don't find anything funny. it sucks! i need to lighten the freak up and laugh! i will find things more funny. period.

4. be passionate.

          start putting passion in all that i do. people, nature, job, church, etc. be passionate. put all i have in all i do and love. to embrace every moment of things. to love deeply and open my heart to new and
alluring things - even if things seem scary... you'll never know if it was worth it or not if you don't try and put your heart in it... for something one day may change your life. i refer to this quote often when i find myself holding back from so much:
"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

5. be confident.

             i suck at accepting a dang compliment. i want to be able to accept it and feel good about accepting it. i don't want to have to worry about what other people think all the time and know that i have the right to be confident. i want to be able to wake up in the morning and feel happy about myself and know that today is going to be a good day. i see those who radiate confidence - it makes me want to just be in their presence all the time. i want to be that person that people can feel that radiation. i want to live.