It hurts today...
I dunno what it is.
but it does.
Things happen.
Feelings happen.
..... and it's okay.
because I am awake.
alive and blessed.
but...
Where's Noah?
And New York can
come any time now...
Being a new year many start out with new resolutions. I started one, more so I'm continuingone I promised myself a little over a month ago, to be spontaneous. This year I want to start doing things randomly, things that aren't planned. I feel those are always the best moments. You can't plan something great because what if something goes wrong? You'll be disappointed. If something is unplanned how can you be disappointed, you never had that goal or objective. I like planning certain things in my life and I feel like those certain things are necessary but I also know the feeling of pure spontaneity. For instance today I was thinking, what if I extended my New York trip? Sure! why not? I like random moments in life because it makes it interesting. You have no idea what's coming. Usually I'm terrified of the unknown and in someways I still am; however, I'm learning to embrace it. I'm learning to live in the moment and no be afraid. What's the point of constantly being concerened about things you cannot change or things you cannot predict? There isn't one. It's as simple as that. Live now. There is so much to be offered to you. Another resolution I've decided to forego is to love more. I'm a really loving passionate person in general but I get to afraid of letting it be known. It's been something I've been working on for sometime now and I think I'm finally starting to get it. I have a big heart and I'm letting it be free. I also want to go with the flow. Often times I am so uptight I don't enjoy certain things. I let things get to me way too much, not this year. I'm going to grow with the flow. Lastly, to not complain about school so much. This might be a bit of a challenge because it's what I'm best at. I'm just going to get this out in the clear right now, THIS SEMESTER IS GOING TO BLOW. Not realizing that I had signed up for a hybrid class (a full semesters work due in 7 weeks - double time! yikes.) and the simple fact that all of my classes are math isn't going to help. It's okay though, right? no more complaning! and Maybe, just perhaps I'll eat a little better and work a little harder, too. Who knows. ;)
On a completely different note... I know I've said this a million times but, I literally do not know what I would do without music. I literally get lost in it. It speaks volumes to me. How can one such thing bring so much light and hope in my life? I do not know. But sometimes I hear songs and I just bawl. Not because I'm sad but because it's so enticing. It's like when I read certain typography's - they speak to me. They fill my heart with something that wasn't there before. They're beautiful. They give me something to hold on to, just as music does. It's a escape. This song is an escape. It's deep. It's beauty. It's love.
January 1, 2012..... TWENTY TWELVE! I never truly believed in the phrase "time flies" when I was younger. You have no obligation to anything and your time is free but once you step into the face of reality it literally is gone in a flash. I honestly cannot believe it is a dawn of a new year (as most of you feel the same) but I have more faith than ever that this year is going to be filled with wonderful surprises. I know there are always going to be those hard moments throughout the year but I am living for the moments that will bring me pure joy. I am so excited to leave the past year in the dark and move on toward greater things. However, it's always hard to just kick it all to the curb and start fresh because those moments that you endured throughout your life (the past year) has molded you into who you are right at this very moment. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for the things that have gone on, even though most of them have been fairly brutal - it's apart of me.
Thinking about the new year and it just being another day somehow creates so much more meaning to me. Technically I could have started that new goal yesterday, a week ago, or even 60 days ago... but I wasn't ready. It's all in time. Each person is different and if the 'new year, January 1' helps you to get you where you need to be then go with it. I am. I'm creating so much more life this year.
2011 has brought many trials not only for my life but several amazing people that I know, at one point in time they never thought they would get through it... but here they are, standing stronger than ever today. I am so glad that those people are apart of my life and all of the great things they offer. I wish everyone nothing but the best year... because the best has yet to come!