Beats

Sometimes we're stonger than we ever thought possible, sometimes we're not. This is one of those times where I'm not sure exactly what I am. It's as if I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't know how to get out. I try my best to be as optimistic as possible, but eventually we all break. We break to pieces. It's daunting trying to pick up those pieces and even try to begin to put them back together. Sometimes you just want to believe things so bad, so you do just that - believe. Never stop believing. It's what holds us together as a person, it gives us faith in everything, it pulls us through until the end. I won't ever stop believing. I want to hope for the best in every situation; however, it somehow doesn't make it easier. You still feel pain. You still feel that loneliness that was once filled. You still feel lost. You feel torn to bits. You'll do anything to get that moment back, even if it is for a moment in time. At least I would. I spend sleepless nights of every notion going through my head and I cannot escape it, no matter how tired I may be. It's just there.

When you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt — this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.

This is now.

melody

I just need some good tunes that are up beat and get me goin'. Here they are.

Wanderlust

So randomly today I decided to look up tours to different countries and such, well I want to go to China, badly. I literally started thinking of how much I would spend and whatnot, I immediately e-mailed my mom and asked in all seriousness if she would take a trip to China to me at the beginning of December. Yes, I said December. Pretty much ONE month. Pure spontaneity. How fun would that be, though? Seeing the Great Wall in Beijing to the "Venice of the East" in Shanghai. It's a 8 day tour - which is perfect. I just have this desire to travel and see the world. I want to see new things. I want to experience something that I never have before. I want to see different cultures. I want to soak up the wanderlust of the world.



this is paralyzed

Last couple days I haven't felt myself. At all. I need some cheering up to do, I'm rather good at faking it though. A lot has been spinning through my mind and at the end of the day it just seemed mottled  in the back of my mind with no change. You know that feeling, in the back of your throat, where you literally just want to cry? Yeah, that's the feeling I'm talking about. It's crazy how one simple thought can cause a chain reaction throughout your mind and it then seems never ending. Half the time I don't even know why I feel this way, the other half I know exactly why. It's strange how we perceive certain aspects of our lives and run with that perception.

However, always in the back of my mind there is that voice of hope that even though I feel this way, it'll pass and it'll always be okay in the end whether we agree with the outcome or not. And I am so grateful for these moments - because it helps me appreciate when things are at it's pure bliss.

If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutley everything is ready, we shall never begin.

where were you?

how perfect is this song?

perfect.

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
And where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And I headed straight..into the shining sun.

Pinner!

I'm not a person that gets too addicted to things besides music; however, Pinterest has stole my heart. It literally takes everything I have to not get on it. This past week and a half has been especially bad, because of my surgery I haven't been able to do much, nor do I have the desire. I'm actually quite content sitting home on achilly  Friday evening, computer in lap and a nice movie. Anyway, if you have Pinterest you know how addicting it is. I love finding styles or pieces of clothing that I match to or finding new yummies to make (not sure if that is a good thing). I even love finding things that I could possibly use for my future, silly I know, but I know when that time comes I'll say, "I wish I would have pinned that." And what I love most is that I don't feel and weird as I thought I was. I see things all the time that I think, "hey I think/thought/do that, too!" so funny.
Here are some things I pin.
What do you find pinteresting?

time is limited

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

-Steve Jobs

1955-2011